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21 February 2007
Annual State Of The Penis Report
by George Atkinson

I have to admit that while it's been well over a year since I first strapped on this dick stretcher, for several months my stretching efforts have been spotty at best. But I have stretched for approximately 1,460 hours, which works out to 365 days at four hours per day. I know I should have done more. It's not that I don't want a bigger dick, I do. And it's not that the stretcher doesn't actually work, it does (although not as well as the claims, but hey). But significant gains require more dedication than a sloth like me can summon.

It's not that the demands are onerous. Four hours a day over the course of a year to achieve a gain of half-an-inch (approx). At a reasonable tension, the stretcher can be worn for about an hour at a time. Which means it must be removed and replaced four times a day. It takes maybe a minute to do this each time. That's four minutes a day. Over the course of a year that's a whole day of taking this thing on and off. A whole day!

I'm guessing most guys would be willing to sacrifice one day for a half-inch bigger dick. Hell, I'm guessing there's a few out there who'd sign up for a whole week. And I think if that's all it took I'd be willing to set a day aside.

But the problem with the stretcher is that you can't devote a single day and collect your big dick prize. The gains for each episode of putting it on are small - in the order of 1/3000th of an inch, by my calculations. And if you're sitting at your computer working, (or if you're like me, checking out topless celebrities online while you contemplate working), having to get up, yank down your pants and strap your dick into a 21st century medieval device for 1/3000 of an inch feels like too much work. The rational part of my brain knows it's not. But then the rational part of my brain knows that every minute I spend dicking around is a minute I'll have to spend working later, probably when I least want to, yet dick around I do. Every session of stretching requires an action, and in the war of action versus inertia, inertia wins by default (at least in my case). For guys with a smattering of ambition, a simple one minute task may not seem so onerous. There are gains to be made, even in increments of 1/3000 of an inch.

When I began this program my dick was 6 inches long at my rock-hard best. After a year of stretching my dick four hours a day for 365 days my dick is now 6.5 inches. I'm happy my dick is bigger. I wish it were bigger still. According to the ads I should be strutting with a stiffy that precedes me by nine inches. That claim has shattered, shattered my faith in advertising.

But to go from a dick that's smaller than average (the average is about 6.25 inches in North America) to one that's bigger than average is a huge boost to my fragile ego. It means more than half my wife's former lovers were smaller than me (I told you I had an ego)! Admittedly, that still leaves a whole bunch that were bigger than me. How many? Well, let's just say she was a sporting gal, and I doubt I'll ever have the tenacity to go for number one spot. But knowing I'm in the top half makes all that effort to strap my dick into this thing - 1500 goddamned times - totally worth it.

I should note that my dick doesn't seem to be any thicker. It's supposed to be - according to the ads it should have been as thick as my wrist by now - but it's not. I'm a little disappointed with this. If I had my druthers I'd take a wider dick over a longer one (and so would most women apparently), but hey, I'll take growth in any dimension I can get it.

So what happens now? Well that's hard to say. As in the past I'll go through days where I'm full of dick-stretching zeal, but then again I'll go through many more where I just can't be bothered. But I will keep wearing it. In fact, I'll think I'll strap it on now. What the hell, another 1/3000th of an inch coming up.

Catch-up with the other episodes in Paul's Extender Experience.




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