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3 December 2006
Dereliction Of Dick-Stretching Duties
by George Atkinson

Okay, let me say this right off the top. I have been derelict in my dick-stretching duties. For almost a month I didn't wear the extender at all and since then I've been wearing it only sporadically. Some of this is due to the fact that I visited my folks for three weeks and right up there on the list of things I never want to see is my Mom holding up my stretcher with a quizzical expression on her face.

After wearing this thing on and off for over a year now, I still haven't thought of a convincing alternate explanation for the device. "Well, Mom it's a used for ." If anyone has any good ideas as to what should go in the blanks please write-in because I can't think of anything. It doesn't look like a tool or a toy. It looks medical but about the only thing it can be applied to medically is... well... a dick! And I'd rather set myself on fire then hold a conversation with my mother in which my dick plays any part.

So, three weeks out the window right there. Another reason I haven't worn it all that much is because of what I call Dick-Stretcher Fatigue Syndrome. This thing doesn't attract you to it like a bag of Cheetos. The benefits of wearing it are so infinitesimally incremental that you're never going to jump off the couch thinking; "Where's my dick stretcher, I want to grow my penis another half-inch before bedtime." The dick-growth rate for this thing is about 0.0007 inches per hour by my calculations. You gotta be thinking long term and we humans have really only evolved to think as far ahead as the next banana. It's hard to keep your eye on the prize.

The third reason I haven't worn it that much lately is that I go out a lot. I work at home and I get bored at home and there are just a zillion things to do in a day that require a stroll to the store. Now, I know this thing is supposed to be invisible in loose clothing but it's not and the other day I... well let's just say I got caught.

Now, I've been aware of the danger of being caught by this thing falling out of my pants. Indeed, I've been in situations where it has come tumbling out. That didn't happen in this case. What happened was a gust of wind compressed by clothes to my body making the protrusion caused by the stretcher visible. I've been aware of the potential for this for some time but have generally dismissed it. After all, most people don't look at other people's crotches and think; "Aha! He's wearing a Dick Stretcher!"

But the other day, as I was walking down the street against the wind, a neighbor approached and as she did her eyes landed on my crotch... and stayed there. For how long? It's hard to say, but it was several seconds and when her eyes lifted and met mine she gave me a smile, almost flirtatious but definitely knowing. What did she think she'd just seen? When I got home I stood in front of the mirror and pulled my t-shirt tight against my body. The compression made it look like I had a substantial, dare I say, impressive erection strapped to my waistline. My neighbor no doubt thought I was walking down the street with a smile on my face and a great big hard-on in my pants. Small wonder she smiled at me.

But now that winter is upon us, I'll be wearing heavier clothes which will render me invisible and I think I'll probably be wearing the stretcher more. I'd better, because according to my calculations, I've got to wear this thing another thousand hours if I want to reach my goal of seven inches.

Catch-up with the other episodes in Paul's Extender Experience.

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