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10 October 2005
Spare Part Blues
by George Atkinson

Week Eight

This is a warning to all dick stretcher wearers. Do not under any circumstances break or lose a single part of your Pro Extender. Potential financial ruin awaits you if you do. The other night after I had removed my Extender and was admiring my flaccid length, it fell to the floor and... broke? At first blush that appeared to be what happened. The rotating screw had become separated from its accompanying cylinder.

In the dim light I could determine no means to reattach it and assumed that it was indeed broken. Heartbroken, (cause I've been making gains, baby) I went online to see what I could do to procure the part. A complete line of spare parts are apparently available from an online company in Britain by the name of ShytoBuy. For the part(s) I wanted, (they were sold separately - my first clue that I might be able to reattach them) the list price was 68 bucks! Who did they think I was, the U.S. Military? NASA?

We're talking about a long threaded nut and a cylinder, folks. I clicked on the little shopping cart and learned that there was another $10 for shipping. This was just to the U.K. ya'll understand. Overseas shipping would no doubt involve some kind of pricey premium. Interestingly, there are no dick stretcher suppliers this side of the Atlantic. Apparently we North Americans are purdy happy with our penises just the way they are. Just out of curiosity, I added up all the parts. Together they came to $3168.00. And that's before shipping! To all you Ebay sellers working out of your mother's basement, there's a market just waiting to be exploited here.

Happily in the full light of morning I was able to ascertain that the hexagonal screw had simply become unthreaded from a connecting nut at the base of the cylinder. I screwed it back on and it was as good as new. But I was real careful not to drop any of the parts down a grate.

Week Nine

I've got a confession to make. I've been playing hookey lately. Over the last couple of months I've been trying to put in at least six hours a day with the stretcher. To get a dick that I could swing like a bat I'm supposed to be wearing this thing double that but in the last couple of weeks I've had a hard time meeting even this modest goal. The problem is that this is not the kind of thing you can wear for hours at a stretch. It gets sore after a couple of hours (less if the tension is high). And blood flow is constricted. The tip of my penis is noticeably discoloured by the time I loosen the noose. So you have to keep taking it off. And to do this you have to be able to do so in private. I mean I guess it's possible to just whip it off on the subway but I'm not built that way. And when you take it off you can't just put it back on straight away. You have to give your poor dick a breather so you're left with this awkward hunk of metal and plastic sticking out of your pocket. And if you're with company, you're going to be dashing in and out of the washroom (or closet) with a frequency that is likely to raise eyebrows. You also can't drive with it, cycle with it, or in the event that you actually NEED to use the washroom, go potty with it.

To wear this thing an effective amount of time requires a certain vigilence that gets exhausting after a while. I've got my eye on the prize but sometimes I just want to hang loose.

Week Ten

I'm taking a break from the Extender for a couple of weeks. This is not something I want to do. But I've got to take a flight tomorrow and this is not something I want some over-zealous security person to be whipping out of my carry-on bag (I don't do luggage). Even if I disassembled the thing there's a good chance that she would see these strange parts in my bag and make searching inquires as to their use. I haven't the imagination to make something up so I'm leaving it in my drawer until I return. But I will return and continue the adventure of the incredible stretching dick. Until then...

Catch-up with the other episodes in Paul's Extender Experience.

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