20 August 2007
Little Man's Beefstick Stuck
by George Atkinson

Daniel Blackner, also known as Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, was rushed to hospital yesterday after accidentally gluing his penis inside a vacuum cleaner tube. The accident occurred on-stage at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival during a part of Captain Dan's performance which involves pulling a vacuum cleaner across the stage with his penis.

The vacuum-tugging stunt was a regular part of Captain Dan's act in the Circus of Horrors. The problem occurred prior to his performance when the hose and special attachment that connects the vacuum to his penis broke.

Captain Dan attempted emergency repairs using extra-strong glue but the adhesive had not properly set by the time he was due to perform. Being a true showman, Captain Dan went ahead with his act anyway with disastrous results. His penis immediately bonded with the vacuum attachment and he was stuck fast.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled in [to the emergency room] with a vacuum attached to me," he told the The Scotsman newspaper. "I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short lived."

Related:
You Put It WHERE???
Don't Stick It In There!
Edinburgh Fringe Festival