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#40423 - 07/11/13 08:39 PM Psychologically Ruined
RC21 Offline
stranger

Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 6
Hello everyone, I'm new here and just looking for some help. As my name suggests I'm 21 and have yet to have a girlfriend mostly due to my penis size. I've had my share of opportunities to have a girlfriend and/or sex but have never been able to get over my anxiety. I'm a perfectionist and have never been able to live up to my physical ideals. Nothing is ever good enough for me, I'm 1 inch too short (in regards to body height), too skinny, not handsome enough, and of course don't possess my idea of a perfect penis.

I've heard the typical responses that size doesn't matter and it what you do with that counts. Well let tell you it does matter. I'm the youngest of three children (two older sisters) and raised by a single mother. These three women who have raised me and had a tremendious influence on my life were far from shy about expressing their adoration of well endowed men. If they did have the "unfortunate" experience of being with a smaller man they would laugh and talk trash on him to all their friends. They would never leave the smaller man because he was still useful for buying them dinners and clothes but they wouldn't have sex with them ever again. Instead relying on their well endowed "man on the side" to take care of their needs.

My feelings of inferiority have even lead me to experiment with penis enlargement techniques and devices. Starting with manual stretches and jelqs and now hanging weights from my penis. The only thing I've experienced from all my efforts is discoloration which is now another source of anxiety.

My issues do not only revolve around size but also performance and lack of experience. It seems that everyone has already done so much sexually at my age and now I'm just too far behind.

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#40424 - 07/12/13 07:44 AM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: RC21]
JipTu Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/14/11
Posts: 693
Loc: Yorks UK
Originally Posted By: RC21
Hello everyone, I'm new here and just looking for some help. As my name suggests I'm 21 and have yet to have a girlfriend mostly due to my penis size. I've had my share of opportunities to have a girlfriend and/or sex but have never been able to get over my anxiety. I'm a perfectionist and have never been able to live up to my physical ideals. Nothing is ever good enough for me, I'm 1 inch too short (in regards to body height), too skinny, not handsome enough, and of course don't possess my idea of a perfect penis.


Hello RC21.

Welcome.
These are my thoughts on your problem, based on a much longer life than yours and much more experience.

Until you realise that nothing in life is 'perfect', no matter what it is, because 'perfection' does not exist in actuality, you are going to get no where with anything.
"I'm 1 inch too short (in regards to body height), too skinny, not handsome enough, and of course don't possess my idea of a perfect penis". Judged against what? Where do you get your ideas of perfection from? For every guy who is taller than you there is a guy shorter than you, for every guy better build is one skinnier, for every guy ............ there is one ............
And what in God's name is a perfect penis? Where did you get your idea of what constitutes one of those?
Any penis, of any shape, size, colour, whatever is useless if it's owner doesn't know how to 'use it' - not only for his pleasure but also his partner - so who judges its 'perfection', its owner or its 'receiver'?
The reason that you haven't had a girlfriend isn't because of your penis size but because of your anxiety about it.
If none have ever 'had it', or even seen it, how do you know that it wouldn't have been their idea of perfection? It is their ideal that matters not yours.
Originally Posted By: RC21
I've heard the typical responses that size doesn't matter and it what you do with that counts. Well let tell you it does matter. I'm the youngest of three children (two older sisters) and raised by a single mother. These three women who have raised me and had a tremendious influence on my life were far from shy about expressing their adoration of well endowed men. If they did have the "unfortunate" experience of being with a smaller man they would laugh and talk trash on him to all their friends. They would never leave the smaller man because he was still useful for buying them dinners and clothes but they wouldn't have sex with them ever again. Instead relying on their well endowed "man on the side" to take care of their needs.

Have you ever thought that the 'typical answer' that size doesn't matter and its "what you do with it that matters" is typical because it is true?
Have you read through all the female answers in this Forum alone? If you have you will find that answer every time.
It doesn't matter how big your penis is if you can't use it satisfactorily (for both) it is useless.
If you just look at it as a tool, then a tool is only as good as the skills of the person using it.
Sometimes the bigger the tool the more danger there is that in unskilled hands it can do more damage.
Time and again you will read posts from females that they have experienced pain and discomfort from large penis' but you will find none, or very very few where they complain about dissatisfaction with more 'average' ones.
Having said that some (not all) women do prefer 'endowed' men, just as some men have preferences in/for the women that attract them.
I find it hard to believe about your female relatives - in their universal preferences and their attitude to saying such things and saying them openly, not only in front of you but to each other.
With due respect I cannot help but wonder if their attitude towards men was not in some psychological way influenced by what initially caused your mother to be a single mother.
I wonder if their 'trashing' of men was influenced by this and if 'endowment', or lack of it, was just an easy way of expressing this because most men are not 'endowed' and therefore they could 'trash' most men.
I also personally think that their 'using' of men was psychologically influenced by your mothers earlier experience.
Lots of those who have been 'used' become 'users' in revenge, lots of those who have been 'cheated' on become 'cheaters' in their turn to 'get their own back' for what was done to them.
Originally Posted By: RC21
My feelings of inferiority have even lead me to experiment with penis enlargement techniques and devices. Starting with manual stretches and jelqs and now hanging weights from my penis. The only thing I've experienced from all my efforts is discoloration which is now another source of anxiety.

You've already proved it to yourself - such thing are useless, even harmful.
The thing you need to work on, to stretch and enlarge is your mind.
Forget your physical attributes (including your penis), your ideals and the environment you grew up in and open your eyes and look around you at the real world.
Do you honestly think that all the guys with girlfriends are well endowed?
Do you honestly think that all the women you see with men are just with them to get what they can out of them?
Do you honestly think that all the happy families you see are living a lie?
Do you honestly think that all the 'perfect' men you see in ads, on TV, in films are leading happy, perfect lives?
Do you honestly think such men are 'real'? They are acting a part and have as many problems and hang-ups as anybody else, maybe even more.
Originally Posted By: RC21
My issues do not only revolve around size but also performance and lack of experience. It seems that everyone has already done so much sexually at my age and now I'm just too far behind.

First issue to resolve is size - if its not smaller than a finger or your tongue its irrelevant. Things of such size can bring women to states of ecstasy.
Second issue to resolve is performance - that only comes from experience and your attitude to your partners needs and not just yours.
Third issue to resolve is experience - you won't get any unless you forget, or get over, your unfounded hang-ups get on with life and get some.
To state the obvious - Only doing things will give you experience of those things.
You might falter, you might even fail a few times but until you try and eventually succeed you wont get experience.
Nobody is born with experience, we all have to learn and go through all the uncertainties and difficulties but we all eventually get there but we have to do it by our own efforts.

One of my 'epic' postings and my own personal feelings.

Hope it helps.

Good luck.

JipTu.

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#40428 - 07/12/13 12:24 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: RC21]
pinkFlames Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 691
Loc: Australia
Jiptu is right for most people, size is irrelevant. There are some people who prefer a large penis but really most women prefer something pretty average. I love being finger-fucked to orgasm. I haven't seen any fingers as fat as a penis yet or a penis as small as my partner's finger.

Many women can't orgasm vaginally no matter how big or small their partner's penis is and rely on external clitoral stimulation, usually via a vibrator, fingers or tongue. A penis doesn't even enter into it. For many of us, sexual penetration is about the feeling of closeness.

I'm curious about the "1 inch too short". An inch too short for what? Reaching the top shelf at the supermarket? Buying trousers off the rack without hemming them? Seeing over the steering wheel of your car? Height is not everything. I think you are clinging to excuses to avoid putting yourself out there. People of all shapes, and sizes can succeed in finding partners. It's only yourself stopping you.

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#40431 - 07/12/13 05:00 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: JipTu]
RC21 Offline
stranger

Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 6
"And what in God's name is a perfect penis?"

Perfect in my mind is 7.5-8 inches in length, 6 inches in mid shaft circumference, a large head, upward curve, smooth skin, and minimal veins.

"If none have ever 'had it', or even seen it, how do you know that it wouldn't have been their idea of perfection?"

It doesn't matter if it's their ideal or not it's what I consider to be ideal and what I want my body to look like.

"Have you ever thought that the 'typical answer' that size doesn't matter and its "what you do with it that matters" is typical because it is true?
Have you read through all the female answers in this Forum alone?"

I have read through a lot of this forum and many others and it always seems that women are willing to be with a man as long as there is enough of an emotional connection. Which to me means that they are willing to settle.

"It doesn't matter how big your penis is if you can't use it satisfactorily (for both) it is useless. If you just look at it as a tool, then a tool is only as good as the skills of the person using it."

That's true and I completely agree with you but it's also true that the better equipped you are the easier the job is in all aspects of life. Ex. a 7' man is going to have a much easier time dunking a basketball than a man who's 5'10".

"With due respect I cannot help but wonder if their attitude towards men was not in some psychological way influenced by what initially caused your mother to be a single mother. I wonder if their 'trashing' of men was influenced by this and if 'endowment', or lack of it, was just an easy way of expressing this because most men are not 'endowed' and therefore they could 'trash' most men. I also personally think that their 'using' of men was psychologically influenced by your mothers earlier experience. Lots of those who have been 'used' become 'users' in revenge, lots of those who have been 'cheated' on become 'cheaters' in their turn to 'get their own back' for what was done to them."

All of this may be true but doesn't make me feel any better because many woman have been treated poorly, abused, or cheated on throughout their lives. Which leads to the mantra that all men are pigs.

"Do you honestly think that all the guys with girlfriends are well endowed?"

No. But I do think they are either settling or are using them for material objects and free nights on the town.

"Do you honestly think that all the happy families you see are living a lie?"

The majority, Yes. 50% of marriages result in divorce and of those who remain together are either too afraid to be alone, are afraid of social reaction, can't afford it, or stick it out because of their children.

"Do you honestly think that all the 'perfect' men you see in ads, on TV, in films are leading happy, perfect lives?"

Of course not they're actors. That's their job.

"Second issue to resolve is performance"
In theory I know a lot about sex. I've researched and continue to research constantly. From watching Nina Hartley's how to give oral, Jason Julius's Orgasm Arts, Lovecentria, and New World Sex Guide. I've also been working on my stamina with PC exercises and using the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit for masturbation.

I thank you and truly appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I understand that growing up in a toxic environment has definitely warped my views on sex and size, but that is why I'm here. I'm trying to change, accept myself for the way I was born, and learn how to trust others.

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#40432 - 07/12/13 05:07 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: pinkFlames]
RC21 Offline
stranger

Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 6
"I'm curious about the "1 inch too short". An inch too short for what?"

Just 1 inch too short of my personal preference.

"I think you are clinging to excuses to avoid putting yourself out there."

That might be true but it's certainly not intentional. When dealing with low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy your subconscious can have a strangle hold over "putting yourself out there".

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#40435 - 07/13/13 07:20 AM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: RC21]
JipTu Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/14/11
Posts: 693
Loc: Yorks UK
"And what in God's name is a perfect penis?"

Perfect in my mind is 7.5-8 inches in length, 6 inches in mid shaft circumference, a large head, upward curve, smooth skin, and minimal veins.
That is your idea of perfection BUT good/perfect sex, for your partners, doesn't involve just size it definitely involves how you use it. What might be perfection to you could be just the opposite to her, if you cause her discomfort/pain and give no 'satisfaction'.
Your perfect length of 7.5 > 8 inches is certainly in the "danger zone" for causing this if you don't know how to use it without initial restraint and consideration and in suitable positions.
Mid shaft circumference could also be somewhat of a problem if these criteria are not followed. Lots of men think women can take any circumference because they "can pass babies" but when they do this many changes have taken place in their bodies during pregnancy & many pain inhibitors are released during childbirth (but pain is even experienced then) - so don't think a woman can 'normally' take any circumference easily and pleasurably.
Upward curve - OK, lots of women like this because in 'matches' their own internal shape but this shape combined with length does increase the risk of hitting their cervix, which can cause pain.
A woman wants/needs pleasure and satisfaction and this can be given, as you've been told not only by me but by pinkFlames (a highly respected member) by even a very small size, when properly used. They do not want 'ramming' by a huge ( your perfect size would be in this class), or even small, penis.


If none have ever 'had it', or even seen it, how do you know that it wouldn't have been their idea of perfection?"

It doesn't matter if it's their ideal or not it's what I consider to be ideal and what I want my body to look like.
Of course it matters! With respect that is the selfish attitude of an inexperienced, only want sex youngster.
Good sex involves 'pleasure' for both, whether this is initially visual or eventually sensation.
An inexperienced woman, or even more likely in your case as you haven't had sex yet an inexperienced girl, can be 'afraid' of an even a 'normal 5.5 > 6 inch penis (look how long that is on a ruler).
Even very experienced women can be affect the same way when seeing something larger because they have (usually) never seen one, or 'taken' one (again look at just how long your perfect size actually is).
If either of them know, and believe me they will know, that you are inexperienced in 'using it' they will be even more afraid and certainly not "turned on".


"Have you ever thought that the 'typical answer' that size doesn't matter and its "what you do with it that matters" is typical because it is true?
Have you read through all the female answers in this Forum alone?"

I have read through a lot of this forum and many others and it always seems that women are willing to be with a man as long as there is enough of an emotional connection. Which to me means that they are willing to settle.
So having read all that you still don't believe it?
Good sex, and again I stress for both, involves an emotional connection.
It is not and cannot be just a case of "sticking your cock in", no matter what it's size.
You can have sex, selfish sex, with no emotional connection but while you might have the 'satisfaction' of ejaculatory release you will not have the full experience that sex can be when combined with an emotional closeness.
Good sex doesn't just involve the joining of bodies it involves the joining of minds.
What do you want out of sex?
Just to fuck and move on? If you do then you are never going enjoy the full/complete joy and satisfaction that sex can be.
What is your fear or distrust of 'settling'?
Why do you use that concept in a derogatory manner?
Again I think it is down to the psychological influences of your upbringing.


"It doesn't matter how big your penis is if you can't use it satisfactorily (for both) it is useless. If you just look at it as a tool, then a tool is only as good as the skills of the person using it."

That's true and I completely agree with you but it's also true that the better equipped you are the easier the job is in all aspects of life.
Going along with the tool similarly: As an engineer with over 39 years experience; you never let anybody lose with any sized tool until they've learnt how to use it properly, a large tool in inexperienced hands is a danger to both messing up the project and to the user.
They have to learn gradually and work their way up to knowing how to use the big tools, to get the job done satisfactorily and that surely is the whole point of starting the job.

Ex. a 7' man is going to have a much easier time dunking a basketball than a man who's 5'10".
And the 5' 10" man is going to have a much easier time going through standard sized doors. There are many more standard sized doors in life than there are basketball hoops.

"With due respect I cannot help but wonder if their attitude towards men was not in some psychological way influenced by what initially caused your mother to be a single mother. I wonder if their 'trashing' of men was influenced by this and if 'endowment', or lack of it, was just an easy way of expressing this because most men are not 'endowed' and therefore they could 'trash' most men. I also personally think that their 'using' of men was psychologically influenced by your mothers earlier experience. Lots of those who have been 'used' become 'users' in revenge, lots of those who have been 'cheated' on become 'cheaters' in their turn to 'get their own back' for what was done to them."

All of this may be true but doesn't make me feel any better because many woman have been treated poorly, abused, or cheated on throughout their lives. Which leads to the mantra that all men are pigs.
Again with respect that sounds very much like your mother's and eventually your sister's mantra.
It is up to you, with your attitude to women and to sex, to change this not to perpetuate it by being an inconsiderate 'lover' with (possibly) a "fuck them and leave them" attitude. 'Using' a woman for selfish, inconsiderate sex is a form of abuse.


"Do you honestly think that all the guys with girlfriends are well endowed?"

No. But I do think they are either settling or are using them for material objects and free nights on the town.

"Do you honestly think that all the happy families you see are living a lie?"

The majority, Yes. 50% of marriages result in divorce and of those who remain together are either too afraid to be alone, are afraid of social reaction, can't afford it, or stick it out because of their children.

Again your upbringing and all the negatives you have had put into your mind during it are showing.
It seems to have instilled two negatives - all men are pigs and all girls are 'gold diggers' and that neither can be trusted.
Both, despite what your mother and sisters taught you, are completely wrong!
Again you see 'settling' as something to be avoided, when in fact it is the most natural thing in the world, in fact what the human race depended on to evolve.
What is so wrong with a guy buying a girl he is happy with, sexually and emotionally, presents or taking her out for a night on the town.
Do you want to be just a 'taker' with nothing, sexually, emotionally or even materially given in return?
There are untold numbers of happy families and 50% don't end in divorce, in fact you don't even have to be married to have a happy relationship
.


"Do you honestly think that all the 'perfect' men you see in ads, on TV, in films are leading happy, perfect lives?"

Of course not they're actors. That's their job.

So who or what are you basing your perception of 'perfection' on?

"Second issue to resolve is performance"
In theory I know a lot about sex. I've researched and continue to research constantly. From watching Nina Hartley's how to give oral, Jason Julius's Orgasm Arts, Lovecentria, and New World Sex Guide. I've also been working on my stamina with PC exercises and using the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit for masturbation.
Theory is great but you've got to gradually put it into practice before you can get actual experience and truly know what you're doing.
Would you be happy if you knew that the guy coming towards you in a big auto-mobile, with his foot flat to the floor, had only just read a book on how to drive and/or practised on a video game?
OK, you now know the theory, you've learnt where the controls are and what they do - so now is the time to get out there and put what you've learnt into practise, gradually and steadily at first, considering what you are driving. Going too fast can be dangerous. There will be a few false, jerky starts at first, you might even stall a few times but eventually you will get there and have many pleasurable rides.


I thank you and truly appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. I understand that growing up in a toxic environment has definitely warped my views on sex and size, but that is why I'm here. I'm trying to change, accept myself for the way I was born, and learn how to trust others.

That you've accepted that you have had, through no fault of yours, a bad start and want to change things is the most important thing.
That you are looking for advice is a positive start - I hope we have/are giving it.
After a fairly long life with experiences of all aspects I can assure you that with the right 'mind-set' you can change.
I can also assure you that most people can be trusted, of both sexes - most men are not pigs and most women are not gold diggers.
You get much more out of life if you give as well as take, not only sexually but in all ways.

Life is a journey with many different routes, some might be dead-ends but others lead to wonderful places, you just have to change direction to find them.
You've started from a bad place but change direction and you'll find that there are many better places.

Good luck.


JipTu.

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#40439 - 07/13/13 09:52 AM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: RC21]
lilmissnaughty Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 821
Loc: scotland
Some great post above, I cant really think of anything to add as its pretty much covered by the other forum members....

As for using bigger tools...

Try using a sledge hammer to put up a picture next time.. see how that works.... Bigger does not = better.
_________________________
TheBigBadWolf jumped out "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Red Riding yelled,"No you're not! You're going to eat me, like it says in the book!"

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#40443 - 07/13/13 12:37 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: lilmissnaughty]
JipTu Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/14/11
Posts: 693
Loc: Yorks UK
Originally Posted By: lilmissnaughty
As for using bigger tools...

Try using a sledge hammer to put up a picture next time.. see how that works.... Bigger does not = better.


Ouch! and double ouch!

You hit the nail right on the head.

JipTu.

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#40450 - 07/13/13 05:16 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: RC21]
Bane2 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 05/30/10
Posts: 285
What size are you RC21?

Size does matter to women, but often it's because too big can hurt. I wouldn't go as far as to say penis size doesn't matter to woman, but for the majority is quite far down on a list of their credentials when looking for man in a realationship. Maybe less so if it's a casual sexual encounter, but if you're average size then even then, it wouldn't be a problem for most women.

There are size queens out there, but then there's also women who will only date really tall guys, or 250 pound bodybuilders. You won't take the fancy of every women just like you yourself will have your own thing in what type of women you want. and not all women will take your fancy.


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#40453 - 07/13/13 07:28 PM Re: Psychologically Ruined [Re: JipTu]
RC21 Offline
stranger

Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 6
"What is your fear or distrust of 'settling'?"

I'm referring to settling as in not reaching your maximum potential or not being with the best partner you can find. I am not opposed to settling down with a woman and having a family.

So your overall advice would be for me to try and put myself out there and gain some relationship and sexual experience which would subsequently alleviate some if not all of my anxieties while also helping me to change my ways of thinking?

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