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#37250 - 10/20/12 07:49 PM Dating etiquette?
cumbriankid Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 851
Loc: U.K
Hi all,
After a three year gap Im back on the dating scene. I can put a good date together - keep conversation going, listen hard, keep the jokes going etc BUT there are two things I never got to grips with and I wonder if anyone can point me in the right direction?

1) I find it hard to end a date!! I need a polite way to end things after a shortish amount of time!!! How do I say "ok that's enough for today I'm going home" without sounding ....errrr.....like that! What's my polite exit!!!

2) How to end a relationship and at what point? I am just out of a long term relationship and have no great desire to find a wife (although if Miss perfect turns up then so be it)! I am conscious of the idea that women aren't keen for me to sleep with them and then vanish! However I am also aware that a fair few women must want a short term relationship that involves sex but not being Fuck buddies (which I have always thought was just a female tactic to lever a man in to a relationship)! My question I guess is how do I pitch the concept of a 'let's see how it goes' type of relationship to a woman and at what point is dropping a relationship a shitty thing to do I.e do I need to end it before having sex?

Everything makes me feel guilty and guilt kills me + I genuinely don't want to upset anyone!!

I have always thought there was more of a dating culture in the US and as such you might have more of a system!!!

Any ideas guys and gals?? Especially gals as its you that ultimately deals with it!!!

I just told a girl I didn't want to see her anymore by txt and she seemed ok with it!! We had played around with each other on a drunken night out and had one date!! So as such I suspect she wasn't too involved!! I still felt guilty though!!!

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#37251 - 10/21/12 10:38 AM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
granny__granola Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 11/02/11
Posts: 267
Loc: Phoenix
I think any grownup, male or female, appreciates being told the truth, even if it's bad news. Or maybe it wasn't bad news after all ... maybe she was thinking the same thing and wondering how to tell you smile
_________________________
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

---Lily Tomlin

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#37252 - 10/21/12 11:15 AM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
JimInPhila Offline

veteran

Registered: 01/19/09
Posts: 910
Loc: Phila. PA
I gotta say, "Saying it's over" via a text...to me, is de classe'.
Nowadays, maybe, just maybe, a face to face isn't necessary but the very least should be a phone call (on the telly?).
Granted, with one drunken time together, we're not talking a long term commitment, but, seriously, a text?
Sounds like the typical case of "all men just want one thing and once they get it...."
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
_________________________
STOP RIC, aka, male mutilation

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#37253 - 10/21/12 11:32 AM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
cumbriankid Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 851
Loc: U.K
I didn't screw her so I didn't as such 'get it'! The moral I was taught was that you treat others as you would expect to be treated! I would like as little contact as possible if being dumped and for me a txt would be perfect!! I fail to see how having a one to one makes being dumped better!! As I see it it just makes it more embarrassing!

Would it have been better for her if I called her?? Would she feel better?

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#37329 - 11/06/12 02:39 PM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
SirFoggy Offline
member

Registered: 10/03/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Born in Croatia, live (kinda) ...
Ending a date is not a problem at all. It is much better idea to end it while it's still in 'high' phase rather than keep dragging on and eventually killing all that was good about it. This way you both might be in the mood for more next time you see each other which never is a bad thing. How you going to actually do it is not all that important; just don't come up with something stupid like "it was fantastic but must run now, love ... forgot to turn off the gas in my apartment ... bye" kind of thing.

How to end a relationship? No straightforward or easy answers here I'm afraid. But then again, a date or two is hardly a relationship. There is simply not enough investment by either side for it to be one so don't think about it as it was. Honesty works best here; something like "I really like you (if you DO that is!) but am not looking for a long term commitment right now" should do just fine. At the very beginning there are so many things that can (and often do!) go wrong so neither party should have their expectations too high. Although it may sound as a cliche "let's try and see how it works" is very realistic approach. If a girl would tell me on a very first date that she expect this to turn into a happily-ever-after I would be at least 3 block away in no time.

"Everything makes me feel guilty and guilt kills me + I genuinely don't want to upset anyone!!"

DONT!!! It is not your duty to make every one happy, why would it be? You are NOT responsible for feelings of others, just for your own. You will be just fine as long as you are honest about what you want and how you want it. If some one is not happy about that then tough luck; they need to grow up.

And granny_granola, very well said! Wise words indeed ...
_________________________
If life keeps throwing nothing but lemons at you, make a lemonade!

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#37564 - 12/09/12 04:12 AM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
gamer_reg Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 222
Originally Posted By: cumbriankid
Hi all,
After a three year gap Im back on the dating scene. I can put a good date together - keep conversation going, listen hard, keep the jokes going etc BUT there are two things I never got to grips with and I wonder if anyone can point me in the right direction?

1) I find it hard to end a date!! I need a polite way to end things after a shortish amount of time!!! How do I say "ok that's enough for today I'm going home" without sounding ....errrr.....like that! What's my polite exit!!!

2) How to end a relationship and at what point? I am just out of a long term relationship and have no great desire to find a wife (although if Miss perfect turns up then so be it)! I am conscious of the idea that women aren't keen for me to sleep with them and then vanish! However I am also aware that a fair few women must want a short term relationship that involves sex but not being Fuck buddies (which I have always thought was just a female tactic to lever a man in to a relationship)! My question I guess is how do I pitch the concept of a 'let's see how it goes' type of relationship to a woman and at what point is dropping a relationship a shitty thing to do I.e do I need to end it before having sex?

Everything makes me feel guilty and guilt kills me + I genuinely don't want to upset anyone!!

I have always thought there was more of a dating culture in the US and as such you might have more of a system!!!

Any ideas guys and gals?? Especially gals as its you that ultimately deals with it!!!

I just told a girl I didn't want to see her anymore by txt and she seemed ok with it!! We had played around with each other on a drunken night out and had one date!! So as such I suspect she wasn't too involved!! I still felt guilty though!!!


Polite exit? How about treating your date with a little respect and carry the date to it's conclusion. It sounds like you made the dare based on the container and not the contents! You made the date, see it through with honor, grace and respect.

Miss perfect? There *IS* no such being. Just as there is no perfect man! If that's what you are looking for then you are perpetuating the constant struggle between the sexes.

I loath this "fuck buddy" philosophy. Maybe it's my antiquated belief that sex is the secondary part of the relationship. Second thing I hate about this fuck buddy concept is the outright LIE it strengthens. You go out on your date, and don't get "lucky" so what do you do? Call FuckBusters. Really now. In my day and age they called that having a whore on the side. Don't believe me? Go listen to Sandra Fluke demanding the federal government pay for her birth control. THAT, gentlemen and ladies, is a whore on the side.

As for dropping the relationship and the proper time to do so? Well, I would say that after the second date you should know pretty well whether you mesh with the woman or not. So what are you stringing her along for? A shot at those massive knockers? A grab at that bubble butt? Perhaps a little honesty with yourself might be in order? I dunno, I'm just saying.... you should know after the second date tops. The bigger point is that you should, out of respect and the knowledge that women are using sex as a tool (or a weapon), end it as soon as you realize it's not gonna work. This is a double edged sword though... You need to be more selective if you are going through THAT many women!

Guilt is either justified be abhorrent behavior or a sign that you are not convinced of your moral stance. Yes, I muttered that horrid word that the secular progressive assholes hate. MORALS DO DICTATE YOUR BEHAVIOR DAMNIT! And if you are lacking of strong moral footing then you have GUILT!

Oh and ere is an old coot hint.... QUIT FUCKING TESTING YOUR BREAKUPS! It's rude, it's callous, it's cowardly! Man up and face the piper. You paid for the song, finish the dance.... FACE-TO-FACE! (and end it after the second date)

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#37597 - 12/13/12 02:59 PM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
a-unit Offline
stranger

Registered: 12/13/12
Posts: 1
Loc: hamilton ontario
Know yourself.

Don't pay for the woman's meal, and kiss her if you like her.

Everything else follows from there.

If you know yourself you will have your timing, if you allow her to pay for her own meal, she will learn honour....or not, and if you kiss her you will know what happens next.

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#37603 - 12/15/12 02:03 PM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
gamer_reg Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 222
a-unit that makes no sense at all. I know what I am and I know what I am not.

I am a man. Period. I was a good bread winner. I have always paid my own way in this life but that's not enough.

I have always been healthy. That's not enough.

I've always been respectful, mannerly and courteous. That's not enough.

I've been told I should be doing stand-up comedy but a sense of humor isn't enough.

I taught myself to cook like a damned Julia Childs re-incarnate. That's not enough.

I can carry on a conversation YOU pick the topic. That's not enough either.

So all I have left is my height. I am 5'7" short. Apparently that's not enough either.

In my lifetime it's been like this.....

A woman wants what she wants at the moment..... if you ain't it; tough shit.


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#37618 - 12/16/12 04:51 PM Re: Dating etiquette? [Re: cumbriankid]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4100
Loc: United States
gamer- some of what may put women off is that you come across as very scornful and bitter towards said gender.

I know I wouldn't want to be with a man who felt that way about me due to me being a woman.
_________________________
Decide. Commit. Succeed.

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