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#37123 - 09/02/12 08:39 AM True or false this may be??
cumbriankid Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 851
Loc: U.K
Not sure if you have seen this? It was on the MSN homepage. I am taking it with a pinch of salt as at the end of the day it is written by one person and is intended to be sensational (like all Journalism). If it is true then it confirms my suspicion that women are so complicated that its not worth trying to work them out!!

53 secrets girls don't want guys to know

By Jane Hoskyn

Ask us what women are thinking, and we can trot out any number of things. “Don’t knock babbling, it’s a sign that we fancy you,” for example. Or: “Give us stubble burn once and we may never kiss you again.”

But those are the things that we wish men knew. The really telling thoughts are the ones that we don’t want men to know. Especially the men that we’re sleeping with – or wish we were sleeping with.

Deep in this innermost vault of secrecy lie our feelings about our exes, your exes, our bodies, your bodies... and our feelings at the end of a date or the start of a relationship. This is top-secret, high-octane stuff. In the wrong hands, it could be extremely dangerous. Read on if you think you’re hard enough.

1. When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we’ll always tut and roll our eyes. But we’re awesomely flattered and we’d be gutted if it stopped.

2. We will never grow out of our fascination with pop stars. A guy can be completely ordinary-looking, but we will fancy him if he’s in a band.

3. We are more likely to fancy a guy if his ex-girlfriends are really pretty.

4. We can be put off a guy by finding out that his ex-girlfriends are a bit ugly.

5. When we look through your Facebook photos, we’re looking to see how pretty or ugly your ex-girlfriends are.

6. We look through your Facebook photos a lot, and we really hope that you haven’t downloaded anything that reveals who looks at them the most.

7. Here’s how to make us fall for you. One day, come on to us so strong that we’re a bit weirded out by it. Then totally fail to ring us. We’ll wonder what we did wrong, and we won’t be able to stop thinking about you.

8. The above strategy isn’t foolproof. We may just lose interest. It depends on how much we liked you in the first place.

9. We often don’t know how much we liked you in the first place. We may have to wait until you don’t phone us. If we’re disappointed, it proves that we fancy you. If we’re not, it proves that we don’t. It’s like when you toss a coin to help you make a decision.

10. Stop trying to understand how our minds work. Even we don’t understand how our minds work.

11. We constantly change our minds and reserve the right to do so.

12. We love getting a missed call from you. It makes us feel in control.

13. The pleasure of noticing a missed call doesn’t last long. We never know how soon to ring back, and it does our heads in.

14. We are constantly scared of putting you off by seeming too keen.

15. We are constantly scared of putting you off by not seeming keen enough.

16. We will never discuss this with you because we are constantly scared of putting you off by bringing “us” up in conversation.

17. “I’m scared of being hurt” means “I don’t fancy you as much as I thought I did.” You know it, we know it, and that is all that will be said on the matter.

18. We say “we’re not manipulative” because we’re really good at being manipulative.

19. We only manipulate your feelings because you manipulated our feelings first.

20. Snoring costs you sex.

21. Your feet disgust us.

22. We shave our toes.

23. We’ve got a rogue hair that needs regular plucking.

24. We went through a phase of shaving our moustache.

25. We leave our legs unshaven on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

26. We wear big knickers on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

27. We spend entire first dates fancying the pants off you and worrying that we’ll end up in bed with you, all unshaven legs and big knickers.

28. We don’t actually care that much about the loo seat.

29. We suspect that you like our bodies more when we’re carrying a few extra pounds, but we always feel better about ourselves when we lose weight. However we hate that our boobs look deflated, and we’re disgusted by the injustice of it.

30. We envy you for being able to eat more than us and not get fat. By “envy” we mean “occasionally hate.”

31. If a grown-up woman has light blonde hair, she’s bleaching it*. You can tell that a woman is a natural blonde from her mousey eyebrows. (* OK, or she’s Scandinavian.)

32. We trim our nose-hair.

33. Yes we’ve got nice eyes, blah blah. Boring. We are desperate for you to compliment our skin and our necks.

34. We are even more desperate for you to write poems about us.

35. When we’re at a party we clock the sexy girls far quicker than we clock the sexy guys.

36. We find female strippers sexier than male strippers. But that doesn’t mean we want to snog any of them.

37. However we do wish we were gay sometimes, if only to get oral sex from someone who really knows what they’re doing.

38. Size does matter, fellas.

39. What you do with it matters even more.

40. What you do with your tongue matters most of all.

41. We’re really scared that you’ll feel our back zits.

42. During breakouts we get up at 6am and cover our spots with concealer while you’re sleeping.

43. We don’t want you to stay for breakfast. We want you to leave immediately so that you don’t have time to register how dog-rough we look in the morning.

44. We want you to text us from your journey home to say how you can’t stop smiling.

45. If you don’t text or call within 24 hours we’ll feel so unhappy that no amount of chocolate and wine can cheer us up. Though we’ll give it a try.

46. We’d happily sleep with your best mate to make you jealous.

47. We’re scared of commitment too.

48. If you’re not very well endowed, your girlfriend won’t tell her friends. She’s as embarrassed about it as you are. However if you dump her, she’ll tell everyone.

49. We fake orgasms so that you’ll stop and let us go to sleep.

50. We aren’t always sure when we’re faking it. In orgasms, the line between fact and fiction can be very thin.

51. We love falling asleep in your arms, for the first few weeks of a relationship anyway. To be honest we’d sleep a lot better if you weren’t there.

52. We find your dark-coloured bedsheets a total turn-off.

53. We’re all little girls inside. You make us cry far more easily than you realise.



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#37124 - 09/02/12 11:32 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
lilmissnaughty Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 821
Loc: scotland
Well just to add t the confusion ive added My Honest replys after in red...

1. When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we’ll always tut and roll our eyes. But we’re awesomely flattered and we’d be gutted if it stopped. Nah, I usually consider it a compliment, smile & keep walking... unless the guy is being creepy.. in which case he gets my patented look of death...

2. We will never grow out of our fascination with pop stars. A guy can be completely ordinary-looking, but we will fancy him if he’s in a band. Dont give a crap about pop stars.. dont get why anyone else does ether.. so you can sing.. good for you...now bugger off....

3. We are more likely to fancy a guy if his ex-girlfriends are really pretty. No.. Just..No...

4. We can be put off a guy by finding out that his ex-girlfriends are a bit ugly. Again.. No.. what does the exes looks got to do with anything?

5. When we look through your Facebook photos, we’re looking to see how pretty or ugly your ex-girlfriends are. see #4... I don’t care what yer exes look like... unless their stalking me in which case being able to give the police a accurate description could be helpful

6. We look through your Facebook photos a lot, and we really hope that you haven’t downloaded anything that reveals who looks at them the most. No... Actually I hate face book & don’t care what you post on there. If you want me to see some photos you’ve taken then just show them to me...

7. Here’s how to make us fall for you. One day, come on to us so strong that we’re a bit weirded out by it. Then totally fail to ring us. We’ll wonder what we did wrong, and we won’t be able to stop thinking about you. Yes... yes I will (be able to stop thinking about you) split personality disorder is not a big turn on in my book

8. The above strategy isn’t foolproof. We may just lose interest. It depends on how much we liked you in the first place. Or how lame we are *rolls eyes*


9. We often don’t know how much we liked you in the first place. We may have to wait until you don’t phone us. If we’re disappointed, it proves that we fancy you. If we’re not, it proves that we don’t. It’s like when you toss a coin to help you make a decision. *rolls eyes again*

10. Stop trying to understand how our minds work. Even we don’t understand how our minds work. eh.. I know perfectly well how my mind works... missing bolts & all wink

11. We constantly change our minds and reserve the right to do so. Thats called being flakey.... or playing games.. its for 5 year olds

12. We love getting a missed call from you. It makes us feel in control. In control of what? the universe?, the space time contenum?... Life & death?.. Come on its just a freaking phone call..
13. The pleasure of noticing a missed call doesn’t last long. We never know how soon to ring back, and it does our heads in.
BS... just call back when its convenient who cares how many seconds-minutes-hours etc have past.. its not a contest

14. We are constantly scared of putting you off by seeming too keen.
look yor either keen or not.. act yourself.. even better.. stop acting & just be yourself

15. We are constantly scared of putting you off by not seeming keen enough.
see 14

16. We will never discuss this with you because we are constantly scared of putting you off by bringing “us” up in conversation. *bangs head on desk*


17. “I’m scared of being hurt” means “I don’t fancy you as much as I thought I did.” You know it, we know it, and that is all that will be said on the matter.
Unless this has to do with full on body contact sports im just not getting where it would ever come up in conversation…


18. We say “we’re not manipulative” because we’re really good at being manipulative. This bitch is manipulating me into having a headache…


19. We only manipulate your feelings because you manipulated our feelings first.
Ehhh.. what?...no seriously…WHAT the ****?


20. Snoring costs you sex. LOL.. ok that was funny.. but no… & I mean come on.. if your snoring.. chances are you wernt asking for sex anyways


21. Your feet disgust us. Umm ok I admit im not into the whole foot fetish thing but really? Disgust seems a bit harsh even if you’ve just kicked of your sweaty shoes


22. We shave our toes. *snort* we is hobbits now?


23. We’ve got a rogue hair that needs regular plucking. I pluck my eyebrows…


24. We went through a phase of shaving our moustache. and now you’ve stopped?... bet that’s a good look… LOL


25. We leave our legs unshaven on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you. .. Oh is that what it takes, & here all this time ive been just.. NOT GOING TO BED WITH GUYS cause its my choice


26. We wear big knickers on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you. Knickers? what are those… just kidding.. but uh.. no. I wear what makes me feel good & big knickers aint it.. also see #25


27. We spend entire first dates fancying the pants off you and worrying that we’ll end up in bed with you, all unshaven legs and big knickers. ??? huh? Oh never mind.. I don’t even know where to start with that one.. except to say NO…..


28. We don’t actually care that much about the loo seat. True.. couldn’t care less.. think women that bitch about it should STFU and lean how o put it down themselves.. isn’t exactly rocket science after all


29. We suspect that you like our bodies more when we’re carrying a few extra pounds, but we always feel better about ourselves when we lose weight. However we hate that our boobs look deflated, and we’re disgusted by the injustice of it. I never understood why women would want to look underweight & malnourished..


30. We envy you for being able to eat more than us and not get fat. By “envy” we mean “occasionally hate.” I don’t care how much you eat… & I eat like a horse.. Not worried laugh


31. If a grown-up woman has light blonde hair, she’s bleaching it*. You can tell that a woman is a natural blonde from her mousey eyebrows. (* OK, or she’s Scandinavian.)
Really?... FOB. Ive got golden blond hair & dark brown eyebrows. Its all natural.. & im not Scandinavian


32. We trim our nose-hair. No..


33. Yes we’ve got nice eyes, blah blah. Boring. We are desperate for you to compliment our skin and our necks. Feel free to compliment my eyes all you want.. complimenting our neck skin could be a bit creepy.. why? you planning on wearing it later *cue horror movie music*


34. We are even more desperate for you to write poems about us. Poems are overrated,.. talk dirty to me


35. When we’re at a party we clock the sexy girls far quicker than we clock the sexy guys. Why would I clock anyone at a party?. . unless they start the fight..


36. We find female strippers sexier than male strippers. But that doesn’t mean we want to snog any of them. Actually im kind of partial to paint strippers…..


37. However we do wish we were gay sometimes, if only to get oral sex from someone who really knows what they’re doing. Can honestly say that has never made my wish list


38. Size does matter, fellas. unless its really small or really big where the mechanics present an issue.. not really


39. What you do with it matters even more. True


40. What you do with your tongue matters most of all. Also true


41. We’re really scared that you’ll feel our back zits. This has never.. not once.. in my entire life, crossed my mind


42. During breakouts we get up at 6am and cover our spots with concealer while you’re sleeping. this woman is neurotic


43. We don’t want you to stay for breakfast. We want you to leave immediately so that you don’t have time to register how dog-rough we look in the morning. I look F*cking hot in the morning.. so there!.. Even when camping!


44. We want you to text us from your journey home to say how you can’t stop smiling. Plus then you can get into a massive car accident that will make the news so we can sob hysterically to our friend how you were the love of our life and were going to join a convent blah blah blah.. Better yet.. Don’t! And keep your damn hand on the steering wheel


45. If you don’t text or call within 24 hours we’ll feel so unhappy that no amount of chocolate and wine can cheer us up. Though we’ll give it a try. Mmmm did somebody say chocolate?.. Im just going to unplug the phone so me & chocolate can be alone….


46. We’d happily sleep with your best mate to make you jealous. &….now shes a cheap ass skank to….


47. We’re scared of commitment too. Only with the wrong guy


48. If you’re not very well endowed, your girlfriend won’t tell her friends. She’s as embarrassed about it as you are. However if you dump her, she’ll tell everyone. doesn’t matter how well endowed you are.. if shes “that” kinda girl.. then if you dump her shes gonna tell everyone your tiny…..ether way your screwed.


49. We fake orgasms so that you’ll stop and let us go to sleep. I Fake NOTHING.. why should I ? I Love sex!


50. We aren’t always sure when we’re faking it. In orgasms, the line between fact and fiction can be very thin. I call Bull shit


51. We love falling asleep in your arms, for the first few weeks of a relationship anyway. To be honest we’d sleep a lot better if you weren’t there. I sleep better with DH there.. hims makes nice pillow to sprawl on


52. We find your dark-coloured bed sheets a total turn-off. Huh?.. why? I like dark bedding.. I have dark red sheets on the bed right now


53. We’re all little girls inside. You make us cry far more easily than you realise. I can make you cry just as easily.. Fork through the hand will do that…

_________________________
TheBigBadWolf jumped out "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Red Riding yelled,"No you're not! You're going to eat me, like it says in the book!"

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#37125 - 09/02/12 12:32 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: lilmissnaughty]
cumbriankid Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 851
Loc: U.K
Ha ha ha ha!!! What an excellent response!! It both soothed me and made me laugh!! I always instictively liked Canadians and this makes me see why!!! Good use of British English too!!!

Glad you wrote the post!! Female sanity should be promoted more!! The internet is so full of the extraordinary it seems to some how promote the idea that its normal!!!

The other day I saw two 18 year old virgins giving their opinion on penis size!! Sort of like a British guy giving his opinion of living in an arid environment!!!

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#37126 - 09/02/12 12:51 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4100
Loc: United States
That was priceless lilmiss!! lol Love it!


Really, how old is the writer? And where is she getting this stuff? (though I do have a rogue hair that I pluck-- it shows up on my chin. lol... don't know why-- it just keeps coming back..haha)

And I personally do like the toilet seat and cover down. Not just the seat-- but the whole cover as well. This comes from having pets. I don't want the dog drinking out of it (too many chemicals) and the cat used to regularly fall in when running around the house all worked up and insane. So I do like it all to be down. And it looks cleaner too as I don't always clean it as much as I should... heehee

Theres many of these I could comment on too. Many of these which are utter rubish.



_________________________
Decide. Commit. Succeed.

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#37134 - 09/04/12 01:06 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
pinkFlames Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 691
Loc: Australia
Well, I'm going through the crazy about a pop star phase.

Like Lilmiss, I'm a natural golden blonde. In Summer my hair will go quite light but my eyebrows don't.

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#37142 - 09/07/12 06:07 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
biker_061 Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/10/09
Posts: 488
Loc: Oklahoma
very interesting, i think in my 57 years i've learned and forgotten most of those!
_________________________
Genesis 2:25
Ephesians 2:8
Luke 15:7

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#37439 - 11/22/12 11:31 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
secondchance Offline
member

Registered: 07/21/09
Posts: 138
How old is the author? 17?

In regards to #2 and #34, Emily Kaitz, a singer songwriter and kick ass bassist once wrote a song titled Middle Aged Rock Stars are so Damn Cute. And they are. I have a crush on a friend who is 60 and still playing and touring.
So, if you are an aging example of point 2, #34 is, indeed, appropriate. And as I'll miss pointed out, it can be naughty. But not mean. And it is fine to not have a name in it so you keep singing it after we are through.

Loo seat- if males live alone, whatever works.
Live with women? Shut the lid. You sprinkle the rim more than you know, it gets on the ring and we have to handle it. Not romantic, not thoughtful.
Acceptable compromise- a full shut so everyone has to lift.
White light New Age Girl bonus points- a closed lid metaphysically blocks good fortune and money from going down the drain.

And if a woman bleaches blonde so what?
Now dyed red is a travesty. Unless your original color ages 2- 25 was a true red.
Highlights get a pass, if you are not trying to pass as ginger or red.

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#37563 - 12/09/12 03:53 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
gamer_reg Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 222
Was this intended to be a parody or funny in some manner?

To an item everything here regardless of intent simple serves to strengthen my contention that women are shallow and self absorbed.

It's not your fault though girls. The men amongst us that debase themselves and our gender just to get laid are the ones at fault.

This entire statement, all 50+ some less than flattering bullet points of it, proves what I have said the last 20 years. Women use sex as a tool and a weapon. Sex is NOT to women what it is to men.

Hammerhead sharks school together in huge schools of females, the older and larger towards the center. The reason for this? To control mating. Unfortunately for sharks the act mating causes internal injury. So, the females developed a behavior to control the frequency and number of times each has to endure the instinctive nature of the male sharks.

Elephants also have a matriarchal social structure. Why? Again to control the mating ritual. Gestation of an elephant is so long that they developed this behavior much as the hammerhead shark has. As have many other species.

So the laws of nature stipulate the roles each gender of a species reacts to the other gender. In short, males are driven to need and want sex. Females are driven by the power that sex gives them.

What's that you say? Those are animals and we are humans so our quasi-intelligence separates us from the animals. What about Natural Laws do you not understand. Intelligent or not we are still animals folks. We are governed by our own instincts and the most driving instinct beyond self survival is procreation.

Someone once said; "If it were left up to women, the human race would be extinct in one generation". That is not without some justification. Guys, think about it. Would YOU voluntarily go through what a woman has to go through to birth a child? Even *IF* it were physically possible just think of the discomfort. The pain.

But without sex.... well, we are dinosaurs. However, when the behavior development takes on the tone that this list compiled my Ms. Hoskyn out intelligence and our instincts are clearly at odds with each other.

What offends me about so much of this kind of feminist propaganda is the fact that some men perpetuate these bad behaviors by rewarding women with what they crave most..... power. Whether it is secured through military might or sexual guile it is all about the power struggle.

Think I am wrong. Just think about those men you have known that have compromised themselves by begging and grovelling to wet their wick. Be honest. You have seen it. Y0ou might even have done it.

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#40213 - 06/21/13 05:22 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: ]
regal Online   content
member

Registered: 12/04/11
Posts: 168
SPAM holiday!

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#40216 - 06/21/13 05:46 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
lilmissnaughty Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 821
Loc: scotland
Anyways its much more fun to wrap cling film over the seat and then close the lid.....
_________________________
TheBigBadWolf jumped out "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Red Riding yelled,"No you're not! You're going to eat me, like it says in the book!"

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#41289 - 08/30/13 02:29 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: lilmissnaughty]
secondchance Offline
member

Registered: 07/21/09
Posts: 138
Originally Posted By: lilmissnaughty
Anyways its much more fun to wrap cling film over the seat and then close the lid.....


Bwahahahaaaa

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#41314 - 09/01/13 10:49 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: gamer_reg]
CaroleTucson Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/25/09
Posts: 1831
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Originally Posted By: gamer_reg
To an item everything here regardless of intent simple serves to strengthen my contention that women are shallow and self absorbed.


I think I'd rather be "shallow and self-absorbed" than go through life hating and fearing half the human beings on earth.
_________________________
When they asked me, "when are you coming home?", I answered, "when they stop building roads."

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#41319 - 09/01/13 11:26 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
cumbriankid Offline
veteran

Registered: 05/12/10
Posts: 851
Loc: U.K
Wise words! Men can be bad, I haven't always been an Angel, some girls you speak to wouldn't give me great reviews. I'd like to think I'm generally good but ......


If you dig around you will always find examples of female bad behaviour, in the same way you will always find examples of murder, rape, pedophilia, dangerous dogs, African Killer Bees etc etc!

The fact is the majority of people (most of the time) are fundamentally good!

No faith......no results!

Believe the world to be bad and it will be!!

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#41321 - 09/01/13 01:01 PM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
lilmissnaughty Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 821
Loc: scotland
10% of the population giving the other 90% a bad name.......
_________________________
TheBigBadWolf jumped out "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Red Riding yelled,"No you're not! You're going to eat me, like it says in the book!"

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#41353 - 09/04/13 10:17 AM Re: True or false this may be?? [Re: cumbriankid]
Bane2 Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 05/30/10
Posts: 285
The article is wrong. Women are people, people do not 100% think the same way. For example, one women may fancy a guy because he has a pretty girlfriend and that subconsciously shows he has good genes. Another may feel insecure that she's not good enough for a man like that. Another may be turned off and think such a man is shallow and maybe a player.
And that's just a small example.



Edited by Bane2 (09/04/13 10:18 AM)

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