It's me that I doubt. I don't doubt that you believe I can change, but I have doubts that I can before it's too late.
Read the above again very carefully.
You're saying that you doubt your ability to overcome self doubt.
That is what's called a vicious circle. It leads to a downward spiral.
But it can seem deceptively comforting to you. After all, you've dealt with this for 35 years. You don't like it but in some ways it is like an old friend. It's the devil you know.
It is the same thing that keeps abused spouses and children devoted to their tormentors. Haven't you read of women or children who after years of abuse never broke free and were eventually beaten to death or worse.
You are being gripped by the same circular chains.
If you want to, REALLY WANT TO beak free. You have to come to a point where you turn around and face your tormentor (self doubt) head on. I know it's not easy. I know it can be damn frightening. Beleive me I know. But I also know you can beat this.
If you don't want to do it alone you can seek professional help or keep reaching out to us here.
I'll help you any way I can.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"