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#26469 - 09/18/10 03:08 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Firefly]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4086
Loc: United States
Graham.. its very inspiring to hear how you dealt with so many hard life issues coming at you at once.
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#26485 - 09/18/10 05:45 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Firefly]
Graham Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/14/09
Posts: 856
Originally Posted By: Firefly
Graham.. its very inspiring to hear how you dealt with so many hard life issues coming at you at once.


well, some were luck and some involved real effort and fighting my impulses. I really wanted to get a decent flatscreen TV and a digital camera after getting my first 2 paychecks. But I resisted this temptation because I need to pay down my overdraft and credit card. I already have a nice computer and an iPhone which takes so-so pictures. So I'm hardly deprived.

Patience is somethings that's not natural for me, but I work hard at it smile
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#26521 - 09/18/10 09:57 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: GreyWolf]
JDANG Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 1857
Originally Posted By: GreyWolf
In the US "Sowing the wild oats" usually refers to the promiscuous sex young males have before settling down and marrying.


I never "sowed my wild oats". Today, I wish I had.

But I was raised in a rather.... "repressed" (for lack of a better word) Catholic environment. Any such behavior would have sent me straight to the depths of Hell. laugh As it was, I received negative feedback about masturbation when I was very young. Sex, in general, was a "no-no" topic.

Oh, well!


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#26527 - 09/18/10 11:41 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: JDANG]
Graham Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/14/09
Posts: 856
oh yes, now I remember the American version. I think in England any kind of sex with anybody is getting your oats. Could be marriage or not. I've had 2 periods of my life of "sowing wild oats": before marriage and after. In between I've just been "getting my oats". Haha. There's a some transatlantic slang for y'all. Or maybe bilateral is a better term.
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it's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. Carpe Diem!

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#26538 - 09/19/10 01:36 AM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Graham]
GreyWolf Offline
old hand

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 429
Originally Posted By: Graham
... recently life seemed pretty crappy for me. My fiancee couldn't get her visa to join me in the UK, I got laid off from work, I lent all my savings to somebody who may or may not pay me back, and so my fiances are a disaster. I was smoking too much also, mainly because of boredom.

So here's what I did:

* fight the UK embassy with an appeal. We won. She will get her fiancee visa and be able to come to London in a few weeks. We will get married within 6 months after she arrives.

* look for another job. I got a good offer & have being working at my new job for 2 weeks.

* work with the person who I lent money to. Hopefully they'll pay me back within a year, or I'll need to take legal steps, but that could take even longer.

* put off major purchases until I've got my finances back in the black. This could take a year, but it is possible with my new job. Maybe get a 2nd job.

* stopped smoking 3 weeks ago. I haven't been seriously tempted since. I gained a little bit of weight but I'm disciplined and lost it again with a keen eye on my food intake and lots of cardio at gym, walking to work, etc.

So, the point is, you can turn things around to get back your confidence. 2 months ago I was seriously down and now things are looking much better, but I'm not out of danger yet. The main thing is I feel better about myself.


Graham,

You've set a great example for the rest of us.

We are defined not by our adversities, but rather by what we do to overcome them.
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#26574 - 09/19/10 01:09 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: GreyWolf]
Graham Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/14/09
Posts: 856
Originally Posted By: GreyWolf

You've set a great example for the rest of us.

We are defined not by our adversities, but rather by what we do to overcome them.


really? Thanks GreyWolf. I really have to push myself though. It doesn't come easy to me. I'm contemplating going to the gym today, but feeling less than enthusiastic. But guilt, or the self-loathing I will experience if I DON'T go, will get me off my lazy arse before the day is over.

Originally Posted By: Happyhousewife
Graham, I've witnessed your descent. Now I'm happy to be here for the rise.

Gee, if we think we hear about the DF enough now, wait till he gets his hands on her! laugh


It's been a rough 7 months being mostly separated from my girl. In a strange way I've got used to the life of a celibate bachelor, but I don't like it. I suppose it's a survival technique. It will be weird at first living together again and I'm sure we'll have some tough times.

As a consummate planner, I have already lined some things for her so she doesn't suffer boredom and loneliness. I've researched English classes and singing lessons too. Honestly, she's like my daughter sometimes.

Anyway, bring on the challenges. I'm ready for them.
_________________________
it's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all. Carpe Diem!

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#26577 - 09/19/10 01:15 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Graham]
GreyWolf Offline
old hand

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 429
Graham,

If they were easy they wouldn't be adversities!

gw
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#26580 - 09/19/10 02:12 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: RiverHead]
gibsonl4 Offline
member

Registered: 04/04/10
Posts: 160
Loc: North Carolina
Riverhead,

I did not understand that you had several issues at the same time. I am sorry if I came across as insensitive. I read your post about feeling desperate and was trying to encourage you to borrow some of the faith we have in you and use it to your advantage. A mentor of mine once said "You must chop wood if you expect chips to fall." Graham spoke to many challenges as well and it seemed he chopped wood to make the chips fall. I hope you will pick up your axe soon.
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#26596 - 09/19/10 07:36 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: gibsonl4]
RiverHead Offline
old hand

Registered: 07/31/10
Posts: 437
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: gibsonl4
Riverhead,

I did not understand that you had several issues at the same time. I am sorry if I came across as insensitive. I read your post about feeling desperate and was trying to encourage you to borrow some of the faith we have in you and use it to your advantage. A mentor of mine once said "You must chop wood if you expect chips to fall." Graham spoke to many challenges as well and it seemed he chopped wood to make the chips fall. I hope you will pick up your axe soon.


I didn't think you were being insensitive at all.

I know, I'm so screwed up it probably can't be fixed.

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#26597 - 09/19/10 08:05 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: RiverHead]
GreyWolf Offline
old hand

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 429
Do you want it to be fixed?
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