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#25634 - 09/05/10 05:30 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Firefly]
JIP Offline
member

Registered: 06/25/10
Posts: 118
Loc: UK
@ FireFly

Not necessarily so: Men, just aren't seen that way. Older men who never marry are just seen as Old Bachelors.

There is also the question of being Gay - which is not and should not be anybody else's business.

More hurtful and possibly more damaging is, in the present state of hyper cautious (and sometimes warranted) concern about child safety there is always the chance of doubts about pedophilia coming up.

This happened to me 2 years ago, from people new to the neighborhood, who finding out that I was unmarried and had lived on my own for 30 years, asked questions about whether it was safe for their kids to be near me. Despite all the long time neighbors and friends reassuring them that their kids were 1000% save because there was possibly not a more 'normal' heterosexual man in the village it totally shattered my confidence in talking to kids, let alone fixing their bikes, etc.


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#25636 - 09/05/10 05:48 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: JIP]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4086
Loc: United States
Good points JIP. I suppose some people will think that way.

All in all though... its more acceptable for a man to remain single then it is a woman.

Hell... being a woman and making the decision to not have children is apparently a very bad sin for a woman to commit. While a man isn't judged as harshly for not wanting children.
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#25639 - 09/05/10 06:02 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: Firefly]
lilmissnaughty Offline
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Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 806
Loc: scotland
No kidding. Nether me or Hubby wanted children but
I had clients actully tell me to have children as soon as possible or I wouldent be able to keep my hubby! WTF!
and that id change my mind in a few years and wish I hadent waited... Ehhh no...
Or the "is there something wrong with you" and "dont you like kids?"
and all sorts of other garbage.

I love kids but preffer the ones I can teach bad habits & then give back to there parents... Yeah.. id have been one of those evil mummys LOL
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#25647 - 09/05/10 10:03 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: lilmissnaughty]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4086
Loc: United States
A kindred soul!! wink


Yep, I've heard all that too. Oh, OH!!! And "whos going to take care of you when you get old?!" Thats a common one.
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#25652 - 09/05/10 11:19 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: ]
OlderMan Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 1447
Brainwashing: nature's insurance that the kids will feel responsible to go to college and later take care of their older parents.

I use it all the time. wink
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#26197 - 09/14/10 11:23 AM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: lilmissnaughty]
gamer_reg Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 222
Originally Posted By: lilmissnaughty
No kidding. Nether me or Hubby wanted children but
I had clients actully tell me to have children as soon as possible or I wouldent be able to keep my hubby! WTF!
and that id change my mind in a few years and wish I hadent waited... Ehhh no...
Or the "is there something wrong with you" and "dont you like kids?"
and all sorts of other garbage.

I love kids but preffer the ones I can teach bad habits & then give back to there parents... Yeah.. id have been one of those evil mummys LOL


I have known women that had children to make car payments.... back when the welfare flowed freely. And I have known women that married and had children to insure any pre-nup was pretty much void.

Most have had children out of love though and that is what is is all supposed to be about isn't it? However I see in my generation a greater dedication to self than to children. My parents generation was based on "Staying together for the sake of the kids" but my generation seems to be more "Screw the kids I deserve better!"

I mean divorce rates are what today? 60%? I'd sat the commitment thing is pretty much out the window. We seem to be heading for a point in time when having a child is a contractual agreement to be negotiated.


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#26206 - 09/14/10 03:09 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: gamer_reg]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4086
Loc: United States
Side question: How do they determine what the percentage of divorces is? I thought I heard somewhere that it took the number of marriages in a time frame versus the number of divorces in the same time frame.

Is that how they figure it? Because if it is.. its not very accurate. That method wouldn't take into account the long-term marriages. Just curious if anyone knows.
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#26234 - 09/14/10 06:25 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: lilmissnaughty]
JDANG Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/27/09
Posts: 1857
Originally Posted By: lilmissnaughty

I love kids but preffer the ones I can teach bad habits & then give back to there parents... Yeah.. id have been one of those evil mummys LOL


LOL, lilmiss.....

I have been the same way. I love being an Uncle... being a "bad" influence on my nieces and nephews—teaching them the finer points of being silly and irreverent, and then saying, "See yuh! Bye-bye!". laugh

I never wanted kids, either. Not sure why, really. Never really felt "right" to me somehow. But in recent years, I began to question "why" that has been, and actually started noticing babies more and feeling funny inside for not having one of my own. I suppose that happens when you reach a certain age and start taking stock of your life.

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#26237 - 09/14/10 07:18 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: JDANG]
lilmissnaughty Offline
veteran

Registered: 06/21/10
Posts: 806
Loc: scotland
I make a point of sending my Neices/Nephews very loud toys for Christmas.. last year several of them got Bodrans (Scottish/Irish drum)
Their Neibours Hate me grin
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TheBigBadWolf jumped out "I'm going to screw your brains out!" Red Riding yelled,"No you're not! You're going to eat me, like it says in the book!"

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#26248 - 09/14/10 10:27 PM Re: What do you consider desperate? [Re: JDANG]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4086
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: JDANG

But in recent years, I began to question "why" that has been, and actually started noticing babies more and feeling funny inside for not having one of my own. I suppose that happens when you reach a certain age and start taking stock of your life.



It can also be your biological clock feeling as if it needs to get cracking! I smashed that clock years ago... but even I hear a faint tick now and again. But I can usually ignore it!

When it comes to kids.. I love idea of the Hallmark moments. Those perfect family moments of togetherness and love. However, the reality is much rawer then that!


Edited by Firefly (09/14/10 10:28 PM)
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