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#22166 - 06/21/10 04:44 AM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: CaroleTucson]
tylerdurden46 Offline
member

Registered: 06/05/10
Posts: 156
Originally Posted By: CaroleTucson
Originally Posted By: tylerdurden46
Ooooh....I sense a few feathers are being ruffled here. Lol - the "official" answer. And here was me thinking that forums are the sum of their members' contributions and not the personal views, aims or opinions of the moderators.

I realise that my views probably single me out as a dangerous heretic, but I've never been one for dogma.



Your "sense" would be wrong. My feathers are not at issue. I simply asked a question of Firefly, not you. You don't speak for this site, she does.

Originally Posted By: Firefly
Having said that-- its also become so much more then that as well. We also discuss many aspects of sexuality, and relationships and things that have nothing to do with sex or penises! lol. I think that though at its core it is a site about penises-- that its branched out into so many other interesting avenues.


Thank you, Firefly.


Yes...all kneel in the presence of greatness (rolleyes)

I'll answer FF's simply quite fatuous post when I get the time.
_________________________
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#22173 - 06/21/10 11:57 AM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: tylerdurden46]
myrealname Offline
old hand

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 417
Loc: Indiana
I find that women are emotionally more complex than men and able to maintain what would seem to be mutually exclusive viewpoints simultaneously.

They like men to be sexually attracted to them, and they don't.
They like larger than average penises and they don't, etc.

I know from experience that there are women who seem to be rather taken with larger cocks just like there are guys who are fascinated with big breasts, and I suspect that physical sexual function has little to do with it. There is no reason that a woman might not drool over a guy's cock the way she might his eyes, ass, pecs, or chest.

There's no doubt that men are more penocentric than women, in general.

In think penis size is a deal breaker for most women only if the guy's size is at such an extreme end of the range that sex becomes physically painful or impossible.

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#22188 - 06/21/10 07:36 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: myrealname]
gibsonl4 Offline
member

Registered: 04/04/10
Posts: 160
Loc: North Carolina
I have read many threads and forums about the perceived and real importance of penis size to men and women. I have also read with interest, and understand, all the arguments about and reactions to the "size doesn't matter" perspective. It usually turns out as a lose-lose proposition. I have spent some time thinking about my experiences and I believe that in all but one case size really didn't matter.

A little background. I have been married for 32 years. Before then I had been intimate with seven women. Five were close to me in age. Two were 7 - 10 years older and the eighth (also close in age) became my wife. Based on the small medium, large, etc categories identified by other people on this thread I fall into the medium category. Throughout my life I have had some unsecurities but I have tried, and I think for the most part (at least outwardly), have succeeded in not letting my insecurities damage my self-confidence too much.

In all but one of my sexual encounters not once has there been a negative reaction or disparaging comment made. If any one of those women wished I had a bigger penis, not one of them said so. If any one of those women thought I had a small penis, not one of them said so. I often wondered what they thought but I never asked them outright. Partly because I didn't want to hear the answer and partly because I thought it would be unfiar to put a women into such a catch-22 position. I always tried to be an imaginative and attentive lover. I never heard, WOW! What a big cock you have. But I did hear things like WOW, that was good or great or perfect or whatever. I also did hear once, "You should be every women's first". I never thought it was as important to any women's biggest as I thought it was to try to be every women's best.

So what about the one case where it did matter? We dated for awhile and then one night we got intimate. It wasn't long before a light-hearted but unmistakable comment was made. We laughed it off and it turned out to be a memorable night. Afterwards I suspected that she had other preferences or needs and that she figured we would never be a good fit. She was considerate and discreet... a very classy person.

I realize that size matters in varying degrees to different people. I know that size at either extreme can result in issues both physically and emotionally. I know that other body image/perception issues can be equally problematic. So while there can certainly be size related problems, issues, perceptions and opinions, it has been my experience that size does not always matter. So, if the question comes up and someone says it doesn't matter... believe them.
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#22191 - 06/21/10 08:00 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: gibsonl4]
myrealname Offline
old hand

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 417
Loc: Indiana
My experiences in life and what I have been told by women would support what you have basically said: the great majority of women are perfectly happy with an average-sized penis and many perfectly happy even when the guy is toward the smaller end of the "medium" range.

Depending on what data you want to consider legitimate, I am either larger than average or big (probably around 90th percentiles for length and girth) and I have never upon an initial encounter with a woman been told "Wow! What a big cock you have" either, although a couple made comments after we had become very comfortable with each other.

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#22195 - 06/21/10 08:14 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: tylerdurden46]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4087
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: tylerdurden46


I realise that my views probably single me out as a dangerous heretic, but I've never been one for dogma.


Not at all! Your views are very much welcome here. smile I'm glad you have taken the time to post your outlook on these issues. Of course-- it doesn't mean everyone will agree with you on every point (as I don't-- I do, however, agree with several things you have said). I find it very interesting to hear about your views and experience.


EDIT: Forgot to add that I'm sorry you thought my reply earlier was fatuous. It wasn't meant to be smug or foolish. I think I made some great points. I probably shouldn't have made the comment about you making women size queens(i.e. the "massive presence of your glorious dick"). The reason I did-- is because as you said on here--some of the women you've been with didn't seem to know that they wanted big dicks until they had yours.

You said-- and I quote:

" I have met many women who are really into big dicks. In fact, I would say that at least 70% of my lovers have given me that impression (some have said they didn't realise this until they met me)."

Sorry that I made a graphic comment about your statement-- but that is kinda how it came across to me.







Edited by Firefly (06/21/10 08:42 PM)
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#22197 - 06/21/10 08:23 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: tylerdurden46]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4087
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: tylerdurden46


Yes...all kneel in the presence of greatness (rolleyes)



No greatness associated with me! lol.

I'm pretty average-- I'm fallible-- I make mistakes-- I overreact-- and I'm generally not too careful of my spelling and grammar. (Bad Writer! [spank,spank] Bad, Bad writer! hmmmm.... I might like being bad. wink )

This forum is made up of a lot of great voices and contributions. I absolutely appreciate the people who come here to contribute. You all are what makes this forum a worthwhile place to be at. wink


Edited by Firefly (06/21/10 08:24 PM)
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#22205 - 06/21/10 09:49 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also).. [Re: ]
myrealname Offline
old hand

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 417
Loc: Indiana
There is no doubt about what you say. But there are a lot of women (although still a minority percentage-wise) who do experience orgasms with vaginal sex.

I have been told by some that a certain size was important for them in this regard. I think it is also true (and predictable) that those women for whom penis size is important tend to gravitate towards and stick with men who satisfy that requirement.

I know some guys who are considerably bigger than me. Some of them have had impressive numbers of female lovers by virtue of the fact that some women do discuss the penis size of their lovers. Word gets around, and some women seek these guys out when they see an opportunity.

I suspect the percentage of women who do this is small, but there are billions of women in the world.

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#22206 - 06/21/10 09:56 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also)..... [Re: Firefly]
tylerdurden46 Offline
member

Registered: 06/05/10
Posts: 156
It got far too complicated trying to untangle your quotes from mine, and I am pretty busy and tired, so I am just going to make a few observations:

Re: your comments about women telling me what they think I want to hear. All I have to say about that is that my profession depends on being a good judge of character and being able to sort out genuine from self-serving or well-meaning statements, so I can distinguish when a woman is telling me "Wow! I love your big cock!", because she honestly does from when she is just telling me that in order to stroke my ego. To assume I can't tell the difference is patronising. To suggest that these women only ever said it as an ego boost is to purport to speak on behalf of women you have never met or heard anything about, which is arrogant.

Originally Posted By: Firefly
It was never meant to be patronizing. I know how to be patronizing- and that wasn't it. It was supposed to be a reminder to all men, that ultimately you need to seduce our minds before you can seduce our bodies. How you took that to be patronizing, I don't understand?! Any man who can make a woman all hot, bothered and wet without laying a hand on her is a man who has a distinct advantage-- more so then a man with a big dick does. And that's the truth. wink


Well firstly, stating a self-evident truth, particularly when the person you are directing the statement at has already posted very similar comments himself, is patronising.

But then…..“A reminder to all men” WTF?

That smacks just a little of a Messiah complex Firefly.


Originally Posted By: Firefly
....more patronizing then my statement I think. Although this one is pretty mild. Several comments you have made throughout your posts about how women supposedly feel about size have felt a bit patronizing to me. You tell me I'm presumptuous for trying to speak for all women (when I'm not) and yet you have repeatedly done it here. You may not mean it that way-- but it is how it is coming across. And I bet I'm not the only one who thinks that.


I don’t purport to speak for all men, much less for all women. I have merely recounted my experiences and my opinions. Those opinions have been informed both by my personal experiences and by observing references to such matters in sources as varied as women’s conversations, experiences of my friends and references to cock size in popular culture.


A few final observations…. I have trawled through quite a number of threads on here over the past couple of weeks, and what I have noticed is that you have a bit of a habit of using people’s threads, no matter what the original subject matter may be, as a means to promulgate an unrelated opinion. A thread often starts off as a discussion about one subject, but soon enough, you hijack it and it becomes The Gospel According to Firefly. And to throw your own comment back at you – “I bet I’m not the only one to think that”

You say you welcome my input. Well…I am not so sure. A little armchair psychology tells me that you (and a couple of the other female contributors) rather enjoy being needed by a number of the guys on here who look to you for reassurance in respect of their size-related worries. In fact, one male contributor described this forum as a “panic room for small/medium guys” (or something similar). I, on the other hand, need no such reassurance, and in combination with my forthright views that frequently run counter to yours, well…that upsets the status quo somewhat. I’m like the exuberant chimpanzee that doesn’t know his place in the hierarchy, and this upsets the rest of the troupe.

Another thing I have noticed is that this forum is actually quite inactive. There seem to be only about a dozen or so regular contributors. Have you ever considered that perhaps other potential regulars may take exception to the continual lectures and homilies? Perhaps you like having your 12 disciples…I don’t know, but I do find it odd that a website which appears close to the top of the Google rankings (with appropriate search terms) has a forum that is nowhere near as active as one would have thought.

Finally…I may not be the only one who thinks it is curious that a forum dedicated to that most male of body parts is moderated or at least dominated by a woman. Please don’t take the easy route and dismiss this comment as misogynistic ravings, because it is not – I merely find it strange (as I am sure you would, if a man held a similar position on a forum dedicated to the vagina).

I’m sorry if some of the above seems a little harsh, but if you set yourself up as a Messiah figure, then once in a while someone will crucify you wink
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#22207 - 06/21/10 10:46 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also)..... [Re: tylerdurden46]
Firefly Offline
Esteemed Member

Registered: 09/02/08
Posts: 4087
Loc: United States
Ummm.... wow. You are being pretty harsh.

Me? Messiah complex? Really?

Apparently, this has turned into lecturing and personal attacks on me for daring to voice a different opinion then you (and it wasn't THAT much different). How did it come to this point? As it is-- you were the one who first veered off-topic in this thread-- and then thought no one was supposed to reply.

I fully admit that I do veer off topic at times-- more then I should. I don't deny that at all. I probably shouldn't, but it does keep things more interesting when it is slow around here. I tend to treat it more like a conversation then I do a thread topic. Yeah- its a downfall of mine.

Yes, this forum isn't as active as I would like it to be. It goes through phases. Most forums do. Even forums like Aphrodite with thousands of members get slow sometimes.

And yes-- I have welcomed your input. You have had some amazing posts on here that have mirrored my thoughts many times. Now, however, I'm wondering if your real character is finally rearing its head.

Instead of actually addressing my responses....You just spent a large portion of your post telling me how horrible and terrible I am for this forum and how apparently I have a god- complex. Wow.

As it is-- I do enjoy being here and helping out men with their worries and concerns. I don't take that as a bad thing at all. I was inspired to come here to give a female opinion by the men who spend time on our sister sight Aphrodite. I always appreciated hearing a mans point of view of view on a female forum and wanted to do that same here. Doesn't mean I speak for all women-- but I think many of the men do appreciate hearing opinons from the few women who do come here.

Having someone here like you, who is confident about his size is not an issue to me. I think its refreshing that you don't feel you need to be bigger in order to be happy. I also found it refreshing that you addressed the fact that there can be downsides to a larger size. Many men don't seem to think that.

I'm sure you are right that there are those who don't want to hear my opinion- or think that I'm spouting off too much. It wouldn't suprise me at all. But I also think there are many who like to hear what I have to say-- even if they don't agree with me.

As for me being a moderator-- you will have to ask George about that. It was his decision to ask me. And aside from George our male administrator, we also have two male moderators. I personally wouldn't have an issue with a man moderating on a forum about vaginas-- but to each his own.

As to women complimenting you-- I believe I mentioned both times-that I was sure they meant what they said. I don't think it was empty flattery at all.

You do seem to be a bit ruthless when someone doesn't agree completely with you don't you? Maybe I'm not the only one who allegedly has issues.


Edited by Firefly (06/21/10 11:03 PM)
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Decide. Commit. Succeed.

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#22208 - 06/21/10 11:08 PM Re: Question About Size for the Women (Men Also)..... [Re: tylerdurden46]
Graham Offline
veteran

Registered: 08/14/09
Posts: 856
Tyler -- actually, I disagree that this forum is dominated by women. There's just a few actually, far more men posters, and Firefly is a moderator but I believe there are more male moderators, including me. Most of us welcome the female perspective because it serves as a good counter-balance to the, IMHO, unproductive preoccupation some guys have with size. Also, we need all the tips we can get on the other issues we discuss.

I don't think size (give or take an inch) is important. While, I'm happy with my size I mainly wish I had more control over when I orgasm. I usually take longer than I want, but that's certainly better than coming too quickly. This can be a problem. So I often say, truthfully, that I'd trade an inch for absolute control of when I orgasm. It's much more important than size, IMHO, but it's rarely discussed here. I'm not sure why. Also, cunnilingus techniques. So important! But rarely discussed.

I agree somewhat with Bane2 on one issue. I do think that many women are looking for a financially secure guy, perhaps not rich. There are some women who will go for the richest guy possible, but I think there's very, very few who look for the best endowed guy when it comes to penis size. I've never met one and I've had sex with a lot of women. Nobody even said I was big until I went to Asia, honestly. I always thought I was average, but now I've discovered, based on statistics, that I am above average length and big in girth. Do I care? Not really, I'd settle for average if I had the orgasm control nailed. If anything I'm preoccupied with technique but not size. Maybe if I was smaller I'd have the orgasm control and I would be happier.

I do somewhat disagree with Firefly on seducing a woman's mind before you seduce her body. I almost always sleep with lovers on the first night. Most of them barely know me. They don't know about my penis size in advance, and they certainly don't know my financial situation. So what was it? I think it was almost purely physical. Also, I love to dance and I guess I do it well enough not to look foolish wink So I think there's plenty of women who will sleep with a man they are attracted to without him seducing their mind first.

My fiancee slept with me on the first night and the thing she remembers most was my TONGUE (technique). We got to know each others personalities much later. But it was one of the most memorable 2 nights of my life on our first meeting. We didn't meet again for 2 months. So it was purely physical at first moving into the emotional later. I liked her style, her spirit, her skin, her smell. The chemistry was perfection. However, we could barely talk because of a language barrier, so we spoke only rudimentary phrases in German, which is something we both learned at school years before.

anyway, I think it's a good discussion. Some disagreement is great as long as it doesn't degenerate into name calling, which perhaps it is. I'd prefer friendly disagreement to pure harmony.


Edited by Graham (06/21/10 11:09 PM)
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