I was reading an article about how virginity in unmarried women was important in Middle Eastern countries, so much that they would kill for it. It got me thinking as to how important it was for us over here. I understand that it is a common value in many cultures, connecting with that primal urge to ensure that a woman's offspring is surely a man's own if he was the only partner. But the modern world makes such values complicated.

I know in my household, it was stressed that I find a virgin to settle down with, so that I don't end up with promiscuous used goods and that sex would feel a lot better.

Personally though, I have found it to be not at all as big of a deal as my parents want it to be. Sex with a virgin would be fitting for a guy in my position, and I don't mind taking extra precautions to ensure comfort at first colitis. But I would not care if my partner really was not a virgin if I loved this person enough to want to be in bed with her. I am not so proud to think that her not being one is cheating me out on something I deserve. Certainly I would not be furious or murderous about it. And if she really is so disagreeable, it could be seen outside of the bedroom already and I would have no business with such a person anyway. Things happen in life and things change. The way I see it, she has chosen me right there and now and not her other partners - and that is all that matters. And besides, if she is more experienced, I might be able to have more fun with her!

So how do you feel about virginity and how does it affect your thoughts and feelings around finding sexual partners?

So are you from the Middle East? I don't think virginity has been a big issue in Western countries for a long time. The only time I've been with a virgin, it was the first time for both of us.

We were both 19, and he knew even less about sex than I did. He was a sweet boy, and he was so excited that he ejaculated before he even got inside me. He was so embarassed! We tried again later, and he was fine

My parents stressed the importance of me being a virgin and giving that "gift" to only my husband as well.

I, however, didn't agree with it. I think you are more likely to find people who wait for marriage in this day and age-- do so for moral, religious or cultural reasons. But a lot of people don't feel its that important anymore.

Heck, my husband had a keychain which said "Experience Preferred" on it!

Carole, I was 19 as well my first time. It wasn't earth shattering- but it was nice.

Personally, it just wouldn't have worked out for me. If I was only with one man-- then I would have always wondered what else was out there. I respect people who make the decision to wait- but it just wasn't right for me. I don't regret exploring some sexual options before my marriage-- but I believe I would have regretted it if I didn't.

Virginity is highly overrated. Even most of the people who do choose to wait-- are not as innocent as they want to appear. Many of them have engaged in much sexual play and many times with more then one partner. Pretty much everything but "penis in vagina" takes place-- so I really think they are walking a fine line when claiming to be sexual virgins.

Exactly. Everyone has to do what's right for them.

I certainly wasn't a virgin when I married, and my wife was even further from it. Of course, we grew up in the 1960s. At that time, if you made it through high school a virgin, you were seen as being a bit "odd".

I would have been very reluctant to marry a virgin, as that would mean that I hadn't had sex with my fiance. There is such a thing as sexual incompatibility for physical reasons. I wouldn't have wanted to risk finding out about a problem like that on my wedding night.

It doesn't really matter to me. Actually, I would prefer not having sex with a virgin. I don't need to be that memorable.

Sorry, this made me laugh. "Colitis" is an inflammatory bowel disease. I think the word you wanted is "coitus".

My fucking ass! Fixed for your reading pleasure, Mr. Dictionary. No thanks, IE spell check!

EDIT: Why can't we edit any post we want after a time? It's really frustrating!

Oh, and while I'm not Middle Eastern in decent, I am aware that virginity is a huge virtue in many cultures - western included. What has me concerned are the unrealistic expectations people have with virginity and the lengths people go to obtain it. It's really mind-boggling and scary to think about.

It's fairly irrelevant to me I guess. Since there's only one girl for me and she's doing the whole waiting for marriage thing...*shrug*
Doesn't bother me.
I have a different order of priorities.

I was a virgin til I was 11, I was forced to lie face front for a supposed good friend. I was anal raped, It hurts like a fire brand. Then at 17, He again was bigger than I was in body style, He made me lie face front again, He came inside me. I felt dirty and shame. He would try to force me afterwards, I successfully fought him off. I was scared to have sex with anyone, he damaged me pretty good. It has taken me almost 14 years since the incident to actually have intercourse with a female. Only thing is when her and I did it, I would break down crying in the middle of the act. I would think I am hurting the woman. But the woman would tell me I am pleasing her. Now that me being 36, I look at sex as a beautiful act between man and woman. I am now pleased with the help of God to bring me out of the misery of growing up in a dysfunctional family. I will not crave the urge by looking at another woman. I feel that they are crying out too. I have been traumatized though. I know what its like being in the boat with victims. To lose your virginity. I have to say that I should have been guarded and kept pure for the nice woman to be in my life instead of being a screwtoy for other people. I am still angry at my mother for not protecting me.


PS. I am not willing victim. I have been coerced and forced against my will by a male. I have hard times getting along with men as I get older.

I'm sorry you went through that stone. It sounds awful. Did your mother know it was happening?

What is virginity?

I had to laugh/smile when I read this. It does seem that way with most people, myself included. I'm a virgin--in the sense that I've never had penis in vagina sex.. haha. Though, I can honestly say I don't wander around with the "I'm-so-innocent" front.. lol =]

I've always avoided virgins as partners of any kind. But, not always successfully. I don't think first time sex is any good for men or women, so I'd rather somebody else deal with the messy first time sex.

I'm happy to wait for a more experienced partner who is very comfortable with her sexuality and loves to make love. I don't really care how many previous partners a lover has had, as long as she's disease free and does regular kegels to keep things nice and tight down below.

Furthermore, I think there's still a horrible double-standard in many countries where women are expected to save virginity for marriage yet many can sleep with whomever they choose before (and after marriage). Also, in some of these societies men can sleep with any race of woman but if a woman has a lover of a different race, she is stigmatized. And considered damaged goods by the men of her society.

If I met a man around my age who was a virgin, I'd seriously wonder about him.

I've been with 2 virgins in my life. One of them, was someone who I loved very much and had a hard time getting over. He was also some of the best sex I ever had! We just meshed together really well sexually.

Ultimately, I think one of the reasons we broke up (along with being young) was because he wanted to see what it was like with other women. I certainly don't blame him for that-- as I know I would have always wondered if the shoe was on the other foot too.

I know virginity was very important in my family: my parents insisted that I marry a virgin, saying that such a woman would be a faithful partner whom I can properly satisfy. Now, I think I'm only good for being a virgin popper and nothing else!

They've gone to say to my sister that she should not physically exert herself too much, out of fear that she would rip her hymen by accident. They've also advised that she go to a very delicate, female gynecologist, so that she won't tear her maidenhead and "lose" her virginity to the doctor's instruments. Being the active girl my sis is, that time has long gone - and I'm glad she's active and gotten over it!

Your family sounds very traditional.

Do you plan to follow what they are asking of you? Or, go your own direction and marry for love, not having virginity as a requirement?

That's funny, because my family tends to be a little more progressive than the other parts of my extended family. It must only appear that way in terms of sex.

I plan on doing things my own way: listening to them has screwed me over more times that I realize. Read more about it here.

This entertains me. When I was four I fell backwards off a chair and ripped my hymen... So maybe I'm not a virgin afterall! ((very tongue in cheek..))

I knew a little girl who lost her "virginity" to a clothesline. She was climbing a rotary line and fell, tearing her perineum from vagina to anus on the winder handle. She would be an adult now but I have no idea where she is or how her injury has affected her life.

Of course most girls and younger women will stretch or break their hymens through tampon insertion or masturbation and self exploration, if it hasn't already been damaged through normal childhood play.