I'm curious ... have any of the women here taken a self-defense course?

I never have, but it's always been my belief that avoidance is better than defense, so I concentrate on techniques to stay out of bad situations in the first place. Like the things we're talking about here.

No, I haven't taken any self defense course.

I think though if I got caught out my anger would over ride any fear and I'd probably be dangerous. I used to joke that any potential rapist would run away from me holding his ears from the tongue lashing I'd give.

I once read a book titled "How dangerous men think". The author pointed out that women need to fight for their own lives exactly the same as they would if it was their child in danger. We have a surprising amount of strength when we apply it.

Yes, that's very true. We also have to balance it against the circumstances ... if he has a weapon, for instance. Is it preferable to be raped without otherwise being injured, or avoid the rape but get badly cut or beaten to a pulp as a result of struggling?

I don't know the answer to that ... but I know I would much rather avoid both of them in the first place if I could.

The problem is many rapists are people we know and thought we could trust.

Very true. Most rapes are aquaintance rapes, not stranger rapes.

Wow, after reading through this, I feel lucky to be a guy. The most I usually have to worry about is being mugged or carjacked. In most cases, the worst that could happen is I lose some property.

I drive around with my car doors unlocked and let my gas tank approach empty every time. Bad habits, I know. But I do consider myself very alert, observant, and perceptive of suspicious activity. That, and I have some martial arts experience if all else fails.

Like predators in the wild, would be assailants go for easy targets--usually distracted, oblivious people. Like Carole said, it's better to avoid than to confront. And the best way to avoid is to be aware of your surroundings.

jiji- I don't think many men realize how aware most women are of dangerous or suspicious situations. You mention one thing I always do-- I always lock the car doors when I'm out driving around. I also tend to keep my house doors locked-- though I get a bit lax when the weather is nice-- though I do lock the screen door. It used to really annoy/anger my husband that I would be downstairs on the computer and lock the upstairs door, so he would have to use his key to get in.

I told him that maybe he would be happier if I left it open all the time and some man just walked in knowing I was alone. I was really angry that he didn't take my safety into consideration.

One time, I was home alone in the shower and all of a sudden this hand grabs me from behind the shower curtain. It was my husband trying to be funny. I didn't see the humor in it at all. All I knew, was that I was alone at home, didn't expect him at home for a few hours yet, and someone was grabbing me when I was vulnerable and unprepared in the shower. I also worried about the dog-- as she didn't bark. All those fears raced through my mind in a few seconds-- then I saw him laughing. Lets just say hes never pulled that one on me again.

I don't see the humor either. I have a friend whose ex-husband used to do stuff like that until one time he nearly got a knife through the heart as a result of his little "joke".

My ex and I had our own little shower game, based on the same idea, except that he was very careful to make sure I knew he was there. He would pretend to sneak into the bathroom while I was in the shower, then surreptitiously peek in the shower and watch me. I, in turn, would pretend that I didn't know he was there and do things that I knew would turn him on. It always worked

After I "discovered" him watching me, he would often then get in with me and we'd finish the shower together. A silly little game, I know, but we had fun with it.

my gf and i have been trying to come up with a way of safely playing out a fantasy.

she wants me to grab her as she comes home (i have keys) but we need to have some safe way to do this.

the last thing i want to do is scare her and cop a fist to the head, but we don't want to broadcast it cause then the surprise and excitement are gone.

we have a safe word all worked out and everything else but just not sure what to do. I want her to feel all safe and would never do anything to mess with her head.